all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
