You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
