Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
