I just pynch a tree in the face
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
