Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
