I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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