How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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