My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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