yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
