even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
