Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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