My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
