How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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