The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
