Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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