I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You ruined the universe
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
