Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
