im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
