Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
