Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
