guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
