I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
