The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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