At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
