This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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