What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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