what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
