I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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