She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
