she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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