mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
