3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
