Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
