what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
