when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I know her cup size but not her name....
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