Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
