the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
