they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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