I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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