She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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