Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
