It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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