he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
