I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
