Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
