glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
