he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
