My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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