Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
