The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
