end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
