Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
