I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
