Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
