Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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