atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
