so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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