Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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