Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
