my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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