Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
