I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
