your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
