you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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