I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
