I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
