What did we do last night that was yellow?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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